Key-pat panics

Every single time I pat my pocket for a key check and do not feel them instantly:

BRAIN: Shit! Not there! A-WOO-ga, A-WOO-ga!

ADRENALINE GLANDS: *squirt*

ME: Oh, there they are.

BRAIN: Oh. You sure? Awooga?

My brain does entirely too much awooga-ing.

Something that I have always found fascinating about this phenomenon is just how far my brain can get in the tiny moment. Entire scenarios play out in the moment it takes me to realize I do, in fact, still have my keys.

It also strikes me as a bit of a problem that I actually pump adrenaline for this. It’s not a big deal, it’s not a lot, it’s not a panic. But seriously? Any adrenaline, because I can’t feel my keys for two seconds?

It’s a great demonstration of how stress works: non-specific systemic biological response to the perception of threat, with really well-developed brains capable of perceiving highly abstract, imaginary, and exaggerated threats (see Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers). Being human is so fun.